The beauty of impermanence: Never be put off by the impermanence of the connections you make with people. Their permanence and beauty are not related, one doesnt counteract the other, if anything the impermanence of it all makes it that much more desireable. No matter how fleeting, connecting with people is an incredible feeling, never more so than with people you barely know; it’s exciting attempting to express who you are to someone who doesn’t know yet; exploring how that person sees the world; how they see themselves in this world; allowing them the opportunity to get to know who you are. Whether it works out or not isn’t significant, the beauty of relationships, no matter how fleeting is held in the experience of them, in the attempt to explore a connection with another person, the beauty isn’t in the length of it, it’s in the experience of it. As they say, it’s not the size that counts, it’s how you use it and I couldn’t agree more.
Great expectations: I think one of the biggest reasons we encounter problems while Tinder dating is because we don’t make our expectations crystal clear from the start and we end up in this weird confusion of having no idea what the other person wants, naturally because you still have no idea who they are. Yet, after only a couple of dates, it always feels too early to make them clear. So my advice is; make it clear before you even meet for the first time. Make it clear either on your profile or during the first moments of conversation. Be clear and state what you want, it’s the best way to filter the types of guys you’re going to end up on dates with, which may inevitably spare you some of the real horror shows, you know where he’s showing you pictures of his cats or talking about how all females are devils. We all know the ones.
Cut the guessing of expectations out of the equation and save yourself a great deal of time, by doing that then you can truly take advantage of dating apps. If you’re looking for sex, then make that clear from the first instance. If you’re looking for a relationship, definitely make this crystal clear otherwise you may end up disappointed from unmet expectations. If you have no idea what you’re looking for, well I would try and get that clear before you head into the jungle, if not then you may end up in the middle of the jungle with your panties in a tree.
Go shopping: The biggest mistake we make while using dating apps, in my opinion, is because we’re looking for something. Stop doing that. You don’t only go shopping when you want to buy something, you also go window shopping and you also try things on, doesn’t mean you have to buy and you can always buy more than one. Use Tinder or Bumble as just that, a shopping centre full of a variety of different shapes, sizes, colours and skills. Definitely don’t try on the first thing you see either, the options are endless so explore them. Stop looking for something, that’s not how it’s supposed to work. You don’t need to look for anything, the idea is that the options are already right in front of you, you can just select which ones might be the best fit for you in that moment and the rest has to happen naturally.
I realized quite recently how to use dating apps to my advantage. I had so many different flings that didn’t work out and each time it became clearer why. I was wasting my time by not making my expectations clear, I was wasting time trying to allow someone access to my life when all I really wanted to allow them access to was my bed. Navigating a relationship with someone you don’t know has it’s own difficulties, without the added pressure of not knowing the expectations of the other person, so make your expectations clear before even meeting this person and find out what their expectations are towards you, like this you save yourself a whole bunch of drama and guessing games.
The “what is”: Don’t let the what “could be” cloud your judgement, if you’re going to let someone try to understand you, make sure first, that they hear you. Of course, people listen to you when you speak, but pay close attention to the ones that really hear you; they’re the ones to keep around. They’re not only hearing what you say but also understanding who you are and if someone doesn’t want what you have to offer, well don’t offer it to them. Continue exploring people and making connections. Bumble around a little until you find something that lights a spark or someone that gives you multiple orgasms, don’t settle for any less than that, you shouldn’t need to. There are plenty of others to explore, don’t waste your thoughts on one that decides they don’t want to be there, it’s not time to wonder why they left, it’s time to start exploring the space they freed up.
Tickets to the show: Imagine you were performing in a show and you noticed that one person in a sea of people was not enjoying themselves, would you stop performing? Walk off the stage? Or would you continue singing louder and even more confidently than before? The opinion of another doesn’t need to affect you negatively, you’re the one with the power to decide how you let it affect you. Instead of fearing rejection and all the negative emotions you associate with it, instead of that, turn it into something you embrace. Embrace being rejected and allow it to teach you things and to allow you to grow. I was blocked and ignored by Wednesday last week, but I was having multiple orgasms by Thursday, everything balances out. Some people find the exit or don’t accept your invitation in the door, who cares. After all, there are plenty others waiting in line for a ticket.
Thing is, you don’t need to use dating apps to look for relationships, if you are, well be careful with your expectations, be realistic and open to what you might find. My advice is to take advantage of what dating apps offer you, the opportunity to be selective. Stumble upon people who make you laugh, encounter people with a different view to yours, let them teach you things and learn from them, try to understand them and let them learn about you. Trust that life is doing exactly what it’s supposed to be doing; happening. And that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing; letting it.
The Dating Shit Show 
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