Casual Dating: What are the benefits?

Fleeting feelings: There are many key ingredients that make a relationship incredible such as respect, affection, encouragement, enthusiasm and of course insatiable sex, permanence however, is not necessarily a key ingredient. Temporary or fleeting relationships can be just as beautiful, because if you’re beautifully optimistic then you would say that nobody ever thinks a relationship will only be temporary before going into it. Then you might say, well, why would they? Get into a relationship that they knew wasn’t going to last? Wouldn’t that be a waste of time? Absolutely not, quite the opposite actually.

The traditional way: From a young age, we are encouraged to follow the traditional path of getting a partner, buying a house and having children, it is considered the traditional way to go. I’ve never been one to follow tradition and I’ve always been a bit of a rebel. That’s not to say i’m against these things, it’s just that I don’t use them as criteria for how I date. For many years I followed this idea of finding a partner, building a relationship and sustaining it but since hitting my 30s, I have spent time discovering alternative ways to approach dating and what I have discovered is that there is a great deal of excitement and orgasms to be found in casual dating and in fleeting relationships. It would be pretty dull if we only got the chance to have one relationship in our lives, at least from my perspective. There’s so much excitement to be found in new people, the things they can teach you, the pleasure they can give you and you can only find variation by varying partners now and again. That’s not to say relationships aren’t awesome, the really good ones absolutely are, as long as that relationship is a release and not a restriction.

What are the benefits of casual dating? For me, the greatest benefit is the indepenence it gives you, it gives you complete freedom to be selective about who you date and if the sex is terrible, you are not obliged to repeat. It’s exciting getting to know new people and allowing them the chance to get to know who you are. The impermanence of relationships doesn’t take away from the beauty they hold, things don’t need to be permanent to be incredible. Prime example, the orgasm, it’s ever so fleeting and ever so magnificent at the same time. Does it make us want it any less due to the fact that it’s temporary? Quite the contrary, it makes us crave it even more.

Tinder dating culture: Nowadays, dating is more fleeting than it ever has been before. Thanks to the Tinder dating culture, people are rarely seeking permanence. What we’re offered is options and therefore what we end up seeking is impermanence, whether consciously or unconsciously. So the best way to make the most out of this dating culture is to not only adapt but also to indulge in it, as they say, if you can’t beat them, join them, keep your options open and play the field until you find someone who makes you feel like you want to explore that option further.

The beauty of impermanence: Why is it that we always think things are more beautiful if they hold more permanence, the more we enjoy things, the more we think that it would somehow be more beautiful if it were to last forever, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t turn down a never ending orgasm and neither would you. But it’s lack of permanence takes absolutely nothing away from it’s beauty and magnificance. If anything, it’s lack of permanence makes it more exciting and inevitably makes us seek it harder. This is why we seek more the things we don’t know, we seek new things that excite us, we want more the things that are harder to have, we want more and more of it because we know it can’t last forever, we go crazy over the ones we can’t have and we long for moments to last longer. My advice; don’t get too caught up seeking permanence in things that you forget to enjoy the exhilirating beauty and excitement there is to be found in the impermanence of it all.

Don’t feel rejected by rejection: If someone rejects having a relationship with you, that simply means that for some reason that relationship does not suit that person or doesnt fulfil their desires and sure, sometimes it hurts, but that usually comes from the disappointment we feel from unmet expectations, These are expectations we set for ourselves about how this relationship would work out, my advice would be, dont have any expectations, ride it out and let it flow how its supposed to flow and all you need to do is enjoy the ride, in all senses of the word. Live in the moment and enjoy those sensual, intimate moments you share with the person in front of you, without worrying about where its going. Worrying about a situation has no effect on the outcome of it, so let those thoughts go and enjoy experiencing where it’s going. Don’t be scared of relationships not working out, there’s no need to be, by forming relationships with people, we find out so much about who we are, what we want, what we don’t want, and what energy we want to surround ourselves with. So there’s no need to worry where it’s going, it’s okay not to know where you’re going, we don’t need to know, we’re not supposed to know.

The carousel: It’s not important to know where were going, our only job is to live it as it happens. Dating does give you the chance to find out where you don’t want to return to, it teaches you about your boundaries and what you are and aren’t willing to accept. Casual dating is a bit like a carousel, it never stops turning and you never run out of options to choose from, enjoy exploring those options and enjoy the ride. When you allow someone to get to know you intimately, you also learn more about who you are. Your dating life is just one big beautiful journey full of excitement, anticipation, passion, orgasms and insatiable sex, and if the sex isn’t insatiable, well then dont go back for more. Embrace dating and the new adventures and people it brings to your life, use rejection to help you grow, to teach you what you want and don’t want and if you find someone who interests you enough to make you want to get off the ride, well then you should explore that. But don’t worry, if it doesn’t work out, you can always get back on the carousel.