Post break-up blues? It’s time to change your perspective…

Watching your friends go through relationships in which they aren’t being treated as well as they deserve can be difficult to navigate. At times you want to drop kick the guy in the face, but you don’t. You shut your mouth and support it, because she’s your friend and it’s not about him, it’s about her. But for you, as her friend, you see it very clearly. The point is, she’s the one being treated unfairly, not him. She’s the one who isn’t being treated as well as she deserves, not him. Thing is, he’s not the sun, she is. 

I would like to take this opportunity to remind her of how many exciting new things are awaiting her. About the new experiences that will make her feel more alive than she could ever feel by being with someone who doesn’t see her. It doesn’t necessarily make the guy a bad person either, not at all, he’s just not capable of her. It just means that on some level, he’s not on the same one as her, whether it’s mentally, emotionally or spiritually.

Therefore, no matter how hard she tries, he won’t be able to see her because he’s not there yet. If he’s still confused about who he is, she will always be too clear for him. If he’s running away from who he is, she will always hit a little too close to home for him. If he doesn’t like who he is, he will project those things onto her to take the focus away from talking about him. If he’s envious of her confidence, he will always attempt to knock it down a notch to be more in line with how he feels about himself. If he’s insecure about himself, she will always be too sure of herself for him. He won’t be able to encourage her, inspire her or accept her for exactly who she is. Why? Because he can’t do any of those things for himself yet.

Does this mean to say he’s not capable of reaching this point? Of course not. Everyone is capable of reaching their height if they really want to. But the need to want it has to outweigh the fear of getting there. If the fear is greater, then it takes a bit longer to find your way there. First you have to be able to encourage yourself, inspire yourself and love yourself before you can do those things for the person you’re sharing yourself with. 

So bestie, you don’t need to be sad about relationships that end, of course, that’s not to say don’t be. But only for a little while. Take your time, reconnect with yourself again, enjoy drinking some good wine with good friends talking about life and love, pick up your favourite book and get lost in it, take ridiculously long hot showers, go on dates and meet people that intrigue you and excite you. And during this wonderfully exciting time you should look for what each ending is trying to teach you. It happened for a reason and it’s trying to teach you something. What is it?

Is it that you know what you want now? You know what you don’t want? You know what you need in order for a relationship to add something valuable to your life? Whatever it is, it’s always going to be better than the feeling of underappreciation you felt from the relationship that made you feel like you’re not good enough. Because that my dear girl, is what we call, bullshit. The problem was never about you not being good enough, the point was always that he’s just not enough for you. Not “not good enough”, just not enough. I believe that being with someone who isn’t capable of really seeing you is doing yourself an injustice. You should be with someone who hears you without even listening and who sees you without even trying, those are the ones that will encourage you to achieve anything you desire, those are the ones to keep around. 

So baby, don’t be blue. There’s absolutely no need. There’s an entirely wonderful f*cking world out there and it’s calling your name. And I for one, am so grateful that I get to explore it by your side. Here’s to lo que nos queda niña. ✨