What makes bad sex? Everyone has their own idea of what constitutes good or bad sex, we don’t all have the same tastes or desires in the bedroom, however there are a select few who are in fact just so terrible that everyone will leave with the exact same feeling; disappointment. There are many things that can make sex terrible for me some of them include; no communication, a lack of respect, a lack of interest in my orgasm, not taking no for an answer, a lack of personal hygiene, terrible kissing, too much agression or selfish lovers.
I used to put up with bad sex because I assumed that’s all there was. I now work with a one strike policy, sexual disappointment in my bed is limited to one time per person, if I didn’t get at least one orgasm out of it you can bet your ass I will not be going back for more, one strike and you’re out. So what is it that constitutes bad sex?
The jackhammer; he’s the one who incessantly pounds you without a single thought nor care for if you’re enjoying the experience. It happened to me recently, foreplay didn’t exist to this guy, I mean dude, you gotta warm up the engine before you drive the car. There was kissing involved before we got to the act, but then to my absolute shock and utter disappointment, there was no kissing involved during the act. I mean, this is unfathomable to me. Kissing is one of the most sensual parts about having sex, it is an essential ingredient. Not for this guy, so as he continued to jackhammer, I was counting down the seconds for it to be over and thinking about how I was going to get myself off after he left. So after the abismal sex he gets up and gets ready to leave, much to the relief of my clitoris. Not only was he unsure where it was, but he also thought the idea was to dry rub it as if there’s no tomorrow. 2/10; abismal.
The selfish lover; This one I’ve experienced way too many times to even count. Speaking from my own experience, the majority of selfish lovers I’ve encountered have, more often than not, been British. In our culture, sex is just not something that people talk about, it is still extremely taboo. As a consequence, we are accepting sexual disappointment as a given and even worse than that is that we accept selfish lovers as the norm. Now I’m not saying that all British guys make terrible lovers, but in my own experience, more often than not, instead of working towards my orgasm, they work towards their own and then roll over and fall asleep. 1/10; pathetic effort.
The smotherer; this is the turn you over and hold you down guy, now just to be clear, I love to be flipped over and held down and so do most girls, but not if that’s the only move you have. You know the kind, where your head is wedged so uncomfortably in between the edge of the bed and the wall that you can hardly breathe and you’re getting a concussion from your head banging off the wall and yet he still hasn’t noticed because he’s too busy focusing on his own finale. Tip: if during the date, all he could talk about was himself without asking you a single question, don’t take him home, if he’s selfish in life, bet your ass he will be intolerably selfish in bed. 0/10; WTF.
The incessant head pusher: I know exactly where your penis is and if I want to put it in my mouth, then I will and if I don’t, your forceful push certainly isn’t going to encourage me. Pushy guys turn me off instantly, if I don’t feel comfortable with this person or if I feel pushed in any way, I’m outta there and I won’t be back. This is terrible not because I’m opposed to giving blowjobs, its terrible because it should be my decision completely, if this happens to you, take it as a complete lack of respect and get the hell out of there. 0/10; unacceptable.
What makes it really good? For me, what constitutes good sex is made up of a number of factors, first thing at the top of my list is respect, without respect for each other, there is too much risk of being treated in a way that may turn you off completely and instantly. So after mutual respect then comes communication, sexual compatibility and of course la pièce de résistance: his interest in my my orgasm. Of course, his orgasm is also very important but you should pay attention to how much effort he puts into giving you yours.
The sexplorer; as I said communication is key, recently I met a guy who is great not only at communicating what he wants but also actively asks me to communicate what I want. He exhibits respect and manners both inside and outside of the bedroom. Thanks to this, I felt extremely comfortable communicating what I wanted and the results were orgasmic. The fact that he was so respectful meant that there wasn’t much that I wouldn’t allow him to do, he was free to explore the hell out of me. He was interested in my entire body, not just the hot spot, there is a massive difference between having sex and exploring each other sexually and this guy knew exactly what that difference was. He touched me all over, he asked and listened and he knew what I wanted by paying attention to both my verbal and non verbal cues. The results were multi orgasmic, multiple times.
Le français; It’s pretty widely believed that the French possess some special skills when it comes to sex or romance, maybe it’s a stereotype, but then again, maybe it’s not. I recently encountered a very sexual French guy, the kind of guy who’s touching you underneath your skirt before you even get in the front door, he not only cared about my orgasm, but also made sure it was a given and not something that had to be asked for. My orgasm was not only given, but prioritized. He kissed and touched me all over, he took his time to show his appreciation for my body and made it clear how much he was enjoying me, that’s one of the things that makes sex so good, watching how much the other person is enjoying you. These kind of lovers deserve multiple opportunities in your bed, multiple opportunities to give you multiple O’s. A night with this particular French guy is an absolute pleasure fest which should absolutely be repeated.
So what does it boil down to? Unfortunately it’s not all coconut oil and multiple orgasms, bad sex seems to be a common occurrence. How can we stop it? By refusing to accept it. But whether good or bad, each time you learn something about your sexual preferences, you get the opportunity to try new things and of course it gives you the chance to explore new people who are interested in not only giving but also prioritizing your pleasure. So what does it boil down to? It boils down to passion and desire, that’s what really makes the difference between good and bad sex, how passionate he is about giving you pleasure. Aside from that, respect, manners, communication, desire and in my case the ones who are extremely sexually compatible with me are the ones who enjoy sex as much as I do and the ones who prioritize my orgasm along with their own. The ones who perform orgasmically are the only ones that get a second opportunity in my bed, I refuse to settle for anything less than that and neither should you, any guy who puts in a pathetic effort or no effort at all, well don’t allow him any more access to you or your panties.
The Dating Shit Show 
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