So Tinder. What a wonderfully f****d up creation that is, isn’t it? Swiping people to the curb like they’re trash, but man it feels disturbingly good doesn’t it. Sitting on the comfort of your sofa with the discomfort of your hideous sunday hangover, silently judging photo after photo. The Sunday afternoon Tinder abyss; we’ve all been there and say what you want about it, but you can’t deny it’s pretty f*****g entertaining.
I’ve had a lot of different relationships with people I’ve met on dating apps, some successful and some absolute disasters, but every single one at some point in time was exciting as f**k, in some cases only before getting to know the person in front of me. Traditional dating has evolved and so we have to adapt, but that’s not to say you can’t enjoy adapting and making the most out of it. Trust me, when used the right way, dating apps can help you find the things you’re looking for and can help you cross paths with people who are going to explore your sexual limits and teach you new things.
Don’t be scared to have terrible tinder dates, I’ve experienced some absolute horrors and the majority of my girlfriends along with me. Some of the best laughs I’ve had with my girlfriends have been sharing our Tinder horror stories. Tinder dates can be horrific due to a number of different factors. You might end up on a date with someone who doesn’t challenge you intellectually, you might end up on a date with someone who tries to feel you up without first having a conversation with you, you could end up in bed with the incessant head pusher, run baby run. You might end up on a date with a guy who shows you pictures of his cats (yeah, plural) or one who can’t shut up about his gym routine. The chances of ending up on a date with someone who isn’t compatible with you, this one will happen more often than not, why? It comes down to odds, you shouldn’t need to see it as anything more.
It also has to be said that some of our fears of tinder dating stem from our experience of men satisfying themselves before us, or worse only satisfying themselves and then falling asleep. Unfortunately all females have experienced this all too often, I now filter with a great deal more care. My thirties have given me the strong reminder of the importance of the orgasm, especially the female orgasm. It’s even more macnificent due to it’s ability to multiply. I decided recently to use Tinder to get exactly what it is that I desire, how? By having clear expectations and making those expectations extremely clear to the other person. You desire sex? Well say so. You desire a relationship? Well say so, it doesn’t matter what you’re looking for, just keep your expectations clear and realistic. And most importantly, don’t take it too seriously, if it turns out to be a shit show, well at least you can have a laugh about it.
I would like to share a couple of my personal favourite Tinder horror stories. A girlfriend of mine met this guy on Tinder, usual story, seemed normal (They all do at first) relatively normal conversation, so she met up with him. After a while they got a little more intimate. During one of these times, whilst inside her, he decided that precise moment would be the opportune moment to ask, what do you think about inviting some of your friends? So let me get this straight, not only did he stop during what should be a pretty intense moment to ask, not only if she would mind inviting a friend, no not just a singular friend. No, that won’t do. Friends, plural. Tipo: that’s a no from me.
Another personal favourite, my best friend had a date with a 32 year old guy, they went for one drink, that was enough for her to decide no, then when the 5 euro bill came, he asked to split it.
I had a guy who stopped during sex because my dog was whining in the hall, so I stopped to deal with the situation. I returned to the bedroom and he was getting dressed and then told me “you’re not very sexy when you’re telling off your dog”. Apparently he couldn’t get it back up. I’ve never thought that to be a situation that required me to be sexy, did I take it personally? No, it says a lot more about his personality than it does mine. This is the same guy who thought it perfectly acceptable to order for me in a restaurant, told me I live in a feminist bubble and later blocked me. Did I take it personally? No, I used it to my own advantage; a good blog story and a good reminder of exactly what I don’t want.
So what’s the Tinder trick? don’t take it too seriously nor personally, everybody has their own stories, beliefs, education and perspectives, just as every person in the world sees the world through their own glasses and interprets things in different ways. If a relationship doesn’t work out, you don’t need to waste time wondering why, sometimes it’s a clash in beliefs, sometimes a clash in perspectives, that person may not feel secure in themselves and therefore will find it tremendously difficult to be secure in a relationship, don’t take it personally, it’s not personal. Especially in a short dating app fling; this person hasn’t had enough time to understand who you are, enjoy getting to know new people and be grateful when they make the decision to walk out of your life, people who don’t want to be there can’t nourish your life in any way.
My advice; don’t worry about losing people, it’s a part of life, spend time getting to know yourself and once you do, it will be much easier to allow others to do the same. Don’t take rejection personally, without it we wouldn’t learn essential things about ourselves. From the accumulation of dating disasters I’ve experienced, I have learned; exactly what I want, exactly what I don’t, patience, how to embrace uncertainty, that some guys don’t have balls, that some are absolute drama queens, some have no idea what to do with a clitoris and all of them have done me a favour by no longer being in my life. By learning what I don’t want, it makes it much clearer what I do want; respect, affection, excitement, clarity, orgasms, passion and adventure. Can this be found on Tinder? Absolutely, tried and tested.
The Dating Shit Show 
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