What’s the deal? There’s another inevitable part of our dating culture, the one that allows you to eliminate someone from your virtual life, otherwise known as blocking. I had always thought of blocking as an immature move that virtually allows you to say f*ck you, and sometimes it is just that, but there are other times where it’s a mature move. With the help of a very close and treasured friend of mine, I learned that it can actually be the healthiest move you could possibly make. It allows you to get the closure he’s never going to give you, it allows you to focus on all the beautiful things you already have in your life, it allows you to focus on you, it allows you to reconnect with yourself, it allows you to reconnect with friends, it allows you to eliminate the negative and leaves only the positive.
Breaking up: my first heartbreak, the kind that leaves you feeling like you’ve been shit on, was unexpected and it hurt like a bitch. But it was also the best thing that ever happened to me, I was always destined for bigger things than this relationship could ever have given me, it was a dead end. At the time, all of my friends were telling me to block him, but I just couldn’t, it felt as though I had too much to lose. I was wrong, I had everything to gain. After a time, I decided to. Best decision I ever made. Not once, since that day has it even crossed my mind to unblock this person. I don’t wish them the worst, I just stopped caring. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should always block your exes, absolutely not. But if your world is being negatively affected by someone, then you have every right to cut it out, it doesn’t even have to be permanent. There might come a time where you will be able to communicate healthily with them but during the break up isn’t that time.
Why do I choose to block? Sometimes because it was so clear that this person had absolutely nothing valuable to add to my life. They didn’t see me, appreciate me nor treat me with any respect. Other times, well I did it for my own sanity. I needed to disconnect from this person in order to heal and my god didn’t I just, out of sight, out of mind. So from these experiences it became blatantly clear that I had in fact gained everything and lost absolutely nothing. Ending a relationship doesn’t always have to be a negative experience, of course you’re going to feel pain, that’s unavoidable. But that doesn’t mean that the experience isn’t beautiful and full of lessons about yourself. In order to heal, we need to be extremely vulnerable and that’s what prevents us from healing at times, because we fear being vulnerable, we think of it as a weakness. Don’t be afraid to explore that vulnerability, it’s your biggest strength, in there is where you’ll find the answers you need, the most important ones, about who you are and what you want.
Have I ever been blocked? Absolutely. I actually take it very positively, it’s the clearest sign that person could ever give you, they’re telling you very clearly that they do not wish to have a place in your life. I have no desire to have people in my life who have no desire to be there, especially when they don’t add anything positive to my life. I was blocked by a guy who told me I live in a feminist bubble, because I have more sex than he does. I was also blocked by a summer fling after asking him to leave me alone, was I bothered? Absolutely not, saves me wasting another thought on someone who offers nothing to my life.
Heartbreak is essential: So that’s the thing, despite the fact that my first heartbreak was one of the most painful moments of my life so far, in another way it was also the greatest time, because it was teaching me strength. That’s what heartbreak teaches you, strength. Before your heart is broken for the first time, you are wide eyed and full of hope but you can’t go through life like that, it helps to teach you some vital life lessons, in my case, it was learning that not everyone has the same good intentions as you do. Each breakup has something to teach you, you should grab each learning curve by the balls and own it. Take every painful lesson it teaches you, take it, own it and let it make you stronger and let it get you one step closer to figuring out who you are.
Why do we block people? It could be for a number of different reasons, if it came as a shock, well then that person probably blocked you because you hurt their feelings, pride or most likely their ego. If it wasn’t a surprise to you, well then that person is probably taking some time to gain some distance and heal. Of course, there will always be the times where people just want to hurt you, don’t let it. Your value cannot be given by others, it can only be decided by you. Think about when you block someone, you don’t wish them the worst, you just want to cut all ties, so if you have been blocked by an ex, remember that it doesn’t mean they want bad things for you, they just want better for themselves.
Adjust your perspective: We don’t always need to see blocking as a negative thing, when it happens to you, don’t sweat it. That person is sending you a clear message that they don’t want to know more about you. If it has reached that point, then there must have been something about that relationship that was unhealthy, negative or at times even toxic. If someone is affecting your life negatively, then don’t be afraid to block them virtually, at least until you clear your head, use it as a tool for healing if necessary. If you have been blocked by an ex, remember that life is doing you a favour by eliminating the people who don’t belong there and freeing up space for the people who do.